Beating Social Anxiety by Doing What You Wanna

If you struggle with social anxiety, you’ve probably been inundated with advice about forcing yourself into uncomfortable situations. But I want to share my favorite tip for navigating social spaces, and it completely flips the traditional advice on its head.

Don't bother facing fears unless you want to.

Instead, do what feels nourishing. To YOU.

You don't have to expect yourself to do what you're "supposed" to do if it isn't nourishing. When we force ourselves into social boxes out of obligation, we just end up drained and anxious.

Let’s look at how this plays out in real life, and why a little self-prioritization changes everything.

Why did you go to that party anyway?

If you don't like parties, why on Earth are you standing in the corner of one right now?

Take a second to look at your underlying motivation. Is this really what's nourishing for you?

Not Nourishing: "'Normal' people don't feel anxious at parties. I should get over it - I should just make myself go."

Nourishing: "I don't love parties, but it's my friend's birthday. I really want to celebrate her - even if it means doing something I don't like. I'll take it easy tomorrow to recuperate."

Why are you talking to these people in the first place?

You're at the party, and you want to be here. But now you find yourself trapped in a conversation with someone you flat-out do not like. Seriously, why are you still talking to them?

Not Nourishing: "I'm supposed to get along with everyone. I need to find a way to like this person because that's what nice people do."

Nourishing: "This is my friend's brother. It will make my friend feel loved if I give him a genuine chance past my first impression."

Why are you talking about a topic you hate?

You're talking to someone you generally like, but the topic of conversation is completely mind-numbing. So - why haven't you changed the subject yet?

Not Nourishing: "I'm supposed to make sure this other person has a good time even if I don't. I shouldn't change the subject because that could rock the boat."

Nourishing: "I'm curious about this person and want to understand this interest of theirs better, even if it's not usually my thing."

It's okay to prioritize yourself.

When you're socializing, it is totally okay to prioritize what YOU want, what YOU need, and what YOU find interesting in a social interaction. In fact - it's pretty hard to figure out which people you're going to get along with any other way!

Many folks with social anxiety struggle to self-prioritize. They carry a deep fear that if they show up authentically, they won't be liked.

And they're right. Some people won't like your authentic self.

But... Why are you hanging out with people who don't like your authentic self?

You don't have to whittle yourself away to fit into spaces that drain you.

You will feel more at ease the moment you stop forcing it and start following that feeling of being nourished, like a plant naturally growing toward the sun.